Steam pumped across my lips into the crisp air; evenly, mechanically, like cigarette smoke. I was freezing leaning up against the brick wall of her dorm but it felt good as hell to be outside and I've never cared much about the cold, anyway. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale... exhale. Just breathe. Calm down. My mind was racing and my eyes were still, focused on nothing. Why did I panic like that? Why did I take that slow elevator to stand out here alone? Why did I say I needed some air instead of just leaving? Fuck. The padding of shoes on concrete was rounding the corner and I quickly picked some change from my pocket and stared down at it in my palm, pointlessly pushing coins over coins with my other hand. The pad pad stopped, and I glanced up through my hair as the plump girl softly asked if I was okay. My face looked flush, she said. I must look like hell, that's gotta be a toned down observation coming from a stranger. I said sure, and she pad padded away. Fuck.. think.. I go back inside. I go back and I apologize for acting strangely and tell her calmly that there are certain things you just don't ask. No, I should go. Just leave. I've already fucked up, she won't even want to see me. I scared her. I'm crazy. No, I go back in, I'm crazy if I don't go back. And just then, the sqeaky steel door jolted open and she turned the corner walking towards my pathetic face, with no jacket. And that's how I met Clare.

back